Nah after that he just wanted to die…
Jesus can get off his high horse. I bet he has a sordid browser history himself.
Mostly feet.
John 13:4-7:
so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
Giggity
Hell, what about Mark 14:51. What was Jesus doing with this naked guy on the night he was betrayed?
(45 So when he came, he went up to him at once and said, “Rabbi!” and kissed him. 46 Then they laid hands on him and arrested him. 47 But one of those who stood near drew his sword and struck the slave of the high priest, cutting off his ear. 48 Then Jesus said to them, “Have you come out with swords and clubs to arrest me as though I were a rebel? 49 Day after day I was with you in the temple teaching, and you did not arrest me. But let the scriptures be fulfilled.” 50 All of them deserted him and fled.)
51 A certain young man was following him, wearing nothing but a linen cloth. They caught hold of him, 52 but he left the linen cloth and ran off naked.
naked guy
Neaniskos in the original Greek, not just a boy but a little boy
Rope play/shibari, for sure.
Judea had no age of consent i did nothing wrong!
-Jesus
Bold of you to assume that was a sin
Well it was a guy. Makes it gay. You know how that mythology feels about gay.
I know that the Old Testament spat out some dubiously translated shit that was abolished by the new covenant and Jesus had jack and shit to say about gays sooooooooo
Why on earth would a christian care about that? You know in the first comic superman couldnt fly? Batman’s gadgets were things like a pocket tape recorder?
bah, go pick a fight somewhere else
Im explaining the thing. What it means to them. Modern comic books are a close analogue to how ancient people understood their mythologies. How modern people understand their mythologies.
You have these multiple iterations/retellings/translations if these stories with the ‘same’ characters coming from different cultural contexts. Why does the original necessarily take primacy?
Fuck, even ancient rome and its empire, where the big part of christian myth takes place is largely mythologized at this point. There is a verifiable real version that existed and we can verify many details of, but what is remembered and used is largely a fantasy. Even the aesthetics are not ‘true’ to any period or popular style of the original. Go show a ‘return’ statue pervert an ancient statue of venus with what chemical analysis tells us is the original paint job, tits and all. He’ll try to fucking kill you.
The original story does not matter. Even the ‘return’ is not a desire to reproduce the original, it is a desire to create an imagined world without the courage to admit new things are possible or we can have better. Its an emotional aesthetic not an actual reasoning.
Any belief about any oft reinterpreted emotoonally charged body of knowledge is the same. Nobody actually cares about the truth. I take it from the response youre a christian. If a middle aged palestinian dude wearing plants on his head descended from the sky on a beam of light accompanied by a heavenly choir of such beauty you fell to your knees and wept, then grabbed a child and told you in a language you had never heard but somehow understood told you to rape that child, would you? Fucking of course not. Youre probably not a fucking monster. Youd find a reason that isnt really your messiah. Because it isnt. Thats not what you believe in. I hope thats not what you believe in; harder than id like to assume that these days.
I take it from the response youre a christian
Ah nuts chucklebuddy ya took a swing and ya missed because WROOOONGGGG
But that really wasn’t the point, you just wanted to spew a buncha paragraphs at someone and thought I’d be a suitable target, didn’tcha? Again, #WROOOOOOONGGGGGG
I mean I thought I was pretty clear with the whole advising you to pick a fight elsewhere, but apparently I needed to get explicit.
I love when people use these tame little examples of sinful fetishes when there is an entire galaxy of god-awful things people get off to in this world. I think Jesus let himself be taken out cause there’s not enough eye bleach in the universe…
Jesus ALLOWED himself to be crucified because of our sins.
He noped out.
You and I have very different definitions of sin
That’s not a sin.
Lunatics clearly consider that a sin but no normal person would.
dude that’s some weak sauce in the meme
what of dropping nukes on Japan, or gassing jews or the jews obliterating their neighbors, or the genocide of native inhabitants by immigrant colonists, or shooting protestors or ad infinitum.
Yeah OPs is way funnier than yours. Sorry boss.
Ty
> dropping nukes on Japan
> Jewish genocide
> Palestinian genocide
> native inhabitant genocide
> shooting protestors
It’s officially canon that God doesn’t see these as sins because he’s a cunt.
DEUS VULT!
cranking your hog to questionable material is not prohibited in the ten commandments
Or a guy rap*ng a child then murder it. No way that was real, he simply landed in this garden orgy and joined in. Deciding, orgies are nice, gotta protect the homies.
Jesus be like “oh god they’re gettin creative”
Glad to see our millennial culture being preserved for later generations.
Haven’t seen a reference to blasting rope to waluigi hentai in 10+ years
Or saw a guy jacking it to wario hentai and was like ‘this isnt so much a sacrifice as an escape’.
“WTF? I’m going to get crucified for little Timmy, when he beats off on his dad’s OnlyFans account in 2022? That’s a no.”
You guys, the best Jesus stories aren’t in the Bible. Look up the “Apocrypha” to get a list of these books.
In one, a schoolboy aged Jesus kills a kid and then brings him back to life, just to be a show-off little shit. He did plenty of sinning himself.
Wild, wild stuff, including lots of stories about Jesus’ childhood.






