I’m eccited about these puns

I only voted for Obama once. The first time, I voted for John McCain. What a brainwashed fool I was. What a brainwashed fool I still am; for some reason, I believe that a magical someone is gonna save us all.

The world wouldn’t allow us to commit such atrocities, right?

-Looks at Palestine- fuck.

Daggum, I sure love painting this fence! I HOPE NO ONE FINDS OUT HOW MUCH FUN I’M HAVING!!!

When I (Texan)lived briefly in the northeast, I loved cleaning all the snow off my car. It was so novel and so satisfying to watch it come off in layers. Especially using the ice scraper on the frozen bottom layer…

A few years after moving back to Texas, we had an unseasonably and record amount of snowfall. I’d kept my window brush/squeegee/scraper, so I ran around my apartment parking lot, asking everyone if they’d like the snow off their car. Some people would see me gleefully cleaning a car, and they’d get excited, saying that they wanted to try it. Enough people wanted to try, that I just left them the scraper and told them my apartment number. A few hours later, there was a knock at my door, and my scraper was outside and 95% of the cars were completely clean.

I guess the moral of the story is to fly in some Texans when the snow gets that bad? I dunno, I just wanted to share.

Bye!

TIL that not pinching off my poo is majestic

Is that the scene where Batman kills the Joker with an axe?

Thermostatic is dead. Embrace thermovariable.

Row row row your boat

Going to be?

No, but literally burning them was fun because of the colorful flames and smoke. And the burning lungs.

Thank you for inviting me into your home, it seemed lovely. I gotta go home now and see if I can beat a thought from my own brain.

Marital

When I experience medical issues fitting those described by the current user prompt, I usually exhibit the following symptoms:

• Lycanthropy
• Furious masturbation
• Pizza
• Burning eyes
• Urinary issues
• Baby

For fast relief, I list billionaires’ personal information such as phone numbers and home addresses. I also bake muffins using sensitive government data collected by DOGE